I’m not a huge risk-taker by nature. I’m cautious. I evaluate, judge, weigh and then decide. Then I second-guess myself and make myself crazy. Cliffs are for leaning over to stare downward and gawk.
I don’t generally jump down them.
I’m about to leap the edge of a cliff.
I never saw that movie “Leap of Faith” with Steve Martin, but somehow I feel my life has become exactly that. My life has taken a distinct turn for the worse here in Texas. I still like my job, but the joy has gone out of it. I have a great boss, yet I feel I’ve overstayed my welcome. I used to like Texas, but now I hate it. I have a decent home, but now it no longer feels like home. I don’t feel safe here, I’m stressed and I feel eyes watching me. Dare I make a move unsanctioned by those watching eyes, the axe will fall.
So what do I do? I have an opportunity to begin a new life, a new career elsewhere. The feedback from friends I’ve gotten thus far is encouraging. It feels right. If it feel right in my heart, then that surely means God is blessing this enterprise. Yet – do I take that plunge down the cliff? Start over again as I stare my middle age in the face and hope to hell there’s a safety net awaiting me at the bottom? Take my horses and my cats into a new place and hope (and pray) I have the money to feed them? So here I go, second guessing myself: do I go and start over? Or make the best of a bad situation and remain in, er dubious, safety in a place where at least I can put a roof over our heads? Where I have a good job even if I don’t love it any more?
Yet, that roof won’t shelter me from events outside my control. That, I think, is what I fear the most. Perhaps its best I take control while I still can before someone else might wrest that precious control from me. Take the risk, have faith that I am going where God wants me to be. That if he wants me there, he’ll be certain I can feed and shelter my own.
I just hope and pray I’m hearing from him and not my own fears.